Sexual Assault Resources

How to help a friend

If someone confides in you about being sexually assaulted, experiencing a controlling and abusive relationship, or being stalked, understand that you might be the first person they’ve shared this with. Your response can impact whether they feel safe and supported in seeking further help or confiding in others. Even if someone has difficulty expressing what has happened or how they feel, you can offer support by using the following strategies.

Be a good listener

It requires incredible strength and courage for someone to reveal that they have been assaulted, are in an abusive relationship, or are being stalked. Your friend may need your support now and in the coming days and weeks. Let them choose when they want to talk and how much to share.

Helpful responses

  • Thank you for telling me.
  • I believe you.
  • It’s not your fault.
  • I’m sorry that happened to you.
  • What can I do to help?
  • You are a strong person.
  • I’m glad you told me.

Things to avoid

  • Don’t interrogate or ask for specific details.
  • Don’t ask “why” questions such as “Why did you go there?” or “Why didn’t you scream?”
  • Don’t tell your friend what you would have done or what they should have done.

Believe

Remind your friend that this was not their fault. Tell them you believe them and avoid judging them for what happened.

Keep it confidential

Your friend has chosen to tell you something that may be hurtful to reveal to others. Honor that and don’t tell anyone what was shared with you without your friend’s permission. If you are worried about your friend, talk to them about the resources that are available to help.

Provide options and information

Your friend may want to consider seeking medical care, reporting to the University or the police, and seeking counseling. It is important to provide information and to allow your friend to make their own choices.

Let them make their own decisions

You can provide options and information and always let your friend make their own decisions. A person who has been assaulted or abused has been disempowered by another person, and it may be necessary for their recovery to have control over their own decisions. Instead of taking charge, ask how you can help. Offer to accompany your friend to seek any services they choose. Support the decisions your friend makes even if you disagree with them. Take your lead from them on how you may best help them.

Remind your friend that you care and that they are not alone

Your friend may worry that they will be thought of or treated differently by other people. Let your friend know that that is not the case for you and that you are available to support them.

Take care of yourself

Be aware of your own reactions, whether sadness, anger, confusion, or hurt, and if needed, seek support for yourself. Know how much you can give and what your limits are. Talking with someone who can help you work through your own feelings may better enable you to support your friend. There are resources available for you, too.

Learn as much as you can about these issues and available resources. This will help you better understand your friend’s experiences and how healing may begin.